there are many things that should never be said to someone with bipolar disorder. here is a list of some of my least favorite things that have ever been said to me:
- a former friend when we were planning to move in together and I mentioned I have bipolar disorder: "yeah, okay. but I don't know what it will be like living with a bipolar person?"
we had been friends for about a year, and I told her it would be exactly like living with me, because I'm still me. she seemed surprised that it wouldn't be more eventful.
- a former crush during conversation: "my family thinks I'm bipolar."
me, curiously: "oh really? how come?"
her: "because I get really mad sometimes."
me: "....I'm actually bipolar. diagnosed and everything. there's a lot more to it than getting mad sometimes"
her: "........"
the end. she said nothing else for a while.
- my ex girlfriend: "if you would just take your meds regularly you wouldn't have any symptoms or episodes"
I've been taking meds every single day since I was first diagnosed, and she definitely knew this.
- same ex girlfriend: "you're lucky you don't have to take a daily medication to function like a normal human being!"
a bit of backstory; she has ADHD and was ranting about having to take adderall to feel normal. but that in NO way makes it okay for her to minimize and gaslight my disorder the way she did on an almost daily basis. I DO have to take a daily medication to only hope I won't have panic attacks, emotional breakdowns, mania, depression, hallucinations, violent visions, or anything else I worry about on any given day. at the time I was taking a mood stabilizer, two anti-psychotics, and anxiety pills so I could get through each day. insulting someone with bipolar disorder by claiming that they don't go through a struggle every damn day is UNACCEPTABLE. do not ever, ever do this.
- I forgot who, but somebody definitely said this upon finding out I have bipolar: "oh, I might have that too. haha!"
not funny.
- when I tell people I'm feeling depressed: "but are you sure it's depression? it's normal to get sad. we all get sad sometimes."
yes, it's depression. and yes, I know it's normal to get sad. this isn't normal and it isn't simply sadness. it's depression, and it's a serious struggle for me to even say this out loud, so please respect it and take me seriously.
- someone very close to me when I was severely depressed and hadn't admitted it yet: "are you like, depressed or something?"
yes, but please don't ask me that way.
- a former close friend when I told him I still have a really hard time with episodes and other symptoms despite being medicated: "but you seem normal. you're not like the other people with mental illness. you're still doing fine."
actually, I wasn't. most of the time I'm not but I don't make a daily announcement of it. please don't trivialize my struggle because I don't wear it on my sleeve.
- someone trying to scare me into getting it together (when I physically could not because of an ongoing episode): "you're going to end up like those homeless people talking to themselves on the streets if you don't take better care of yourself."
do you not think I'm TRYING? do you think I'm not terrified that one day I'll actually be one of those 'crazy' people wandering around on the streets? do you really and truly think this is in any way okay to say to a person who's already scared of their own brain defects and can do nothing to cure it?
- a former employer telling me to work through the fuzziness of my mind during a new medication adjustment: "you're a professional now. figure it out."
you really don't think I already tried to 'figure it out' and work through this? I can't work through this by sheer willpower. it's not possible, please at least try to understand.
- someone close to me who was trying to make me feel better during a breakdown: "maybe this is a good thing. there are a lot of benefits to your brain being different."
thank you for trying, I know you had good intentions. but there is nothing that can convince me this is a good thing. especially not in the midst of an emotional breakdown.
- my first girlfriend, many times: "stop being so emo. come back and talk to me when you're happy again."
neither of us knew I was bipolar back then, so maybe I did seem a bit overdramatic. but if you know someone suffers from bipolar disorder please never, ever tell them to stop being emo.
- a facebook friend, not directly to me but as his facebook status: "I'm feeling bipolar today."
no, unless you actually are bipolar, I guarantee you're not feeling bipolar. don't try to call yourself bipolar if you're not. it's obnoxious and hurtful.
- someone very close to me: "if you workout more and change your diet you'll stop having so many mood swings."
maybe in theory, but during the absolute worst mental time of my life I was vegan, taking many supplements and vitamins to make sure my body got everything it needed, and I walked several miles a day. I was in the healthiest shape of my life and the worst mental state I've ever experienced. I've tried this and it did not take away any mood swings or do anything to tame the psychosis.
- the same sucky ex girlfriend when we realized i was becoming manic: "but how do we stop it? there has to be a way to stop it."
no, there doesn't. because there's not. i told her so many times that we would have to simply wait it out and contact my doctor if it got too out of control, but she insisted that i was refusing to do some secret method i had of making the episode stop in its tracks. there is no way to do that.
- same ex girlfriend: i don't remember her exact words, but she said it's selfish for people with mental illness to have kids and they shouldn't do it and may be better off not existing themselves.
- a close friend of mine when i told her i'd been depressed: "but what made you sad?" i told her nothing had made me depressed this time, i just was. "no, it doesn't work like that. something had to make you sad."
yes, it actually does work like that. usually, no specific instance makes me depressed. no specific trigger makes me manic. it happens when it happens, and i usually don't know why.
- so many people, so many times: "do you think [insert random person here] is bipolar?"
maybe? i don't know. most likely not. usually this is asked after the person got mad, had an unpleasant outburst, or did something selfish. chances are they were having a bad moment, because usually the person i'm asked about has never shown any signs of being bipolar that i've noticed and the examples given for context don't sound like indicators, either.
i'll stop my list here, but i could probably go on forever. it's frustrating as fuck to hear these things so often, but until more people become educated on mental illness and bipolar disorder i suppose it's inevitable.